"The truth that many people never understand is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt."
– Thomas Merton
I've worked in the medical field since I was sixteen. I worked my way from an internship to and EMT and dispatcher. I've taught EMS classes, CPR classes, trained new EMTs on the lay of the land, and I've loved every bit. I've been there for someones first breath, and their last. I have pulled people out of burning vehicles, delivered a baby in the summer heat, controlled bleeding on gunshot victims. I have done CPR in the back of an ambulance going 85 miles an hour. I have ran lights and sirens on unstable patients for long distance transports. I've also transported to hospice and done nothing more than hold someones hand and listen. Through the last five years emergency medicine has stolen my heart and soul. It's not what I do, it's who I am.
Since becoming an EMT and practicing emergency medicine I have found myself on the other side of the needle. For me, this is hard. Due to my experience, I know a bit more than a "normal patient" would, therefor I scare the shit out of myself at times.
I know when we sling medical jargon around left and right, we as the medical team understand what exactly is going on, when and where. As the patient, I was lucky enough to be privy to that conversation due to know my knowledge, but I realized how quick I was as a provider to sling this jargon in my patient's presence. Now don't think that mean's I didn't explain my concerns to my patients. It just means there was an explanation for things they needed to know immediately, maybe not as in depth as I would have liked with some.
Sugar coating it is something I felt haaaard when I was a patient. I always make sure that my patients are aware enough of the situation. It's one of the first things you learn in the field, don't give false hope. " It's gonna be fine." "You'll be out of here tomorrow don't you worry." Truth of the matter is I was septic. To some people that's just an infection. Good. Medication and I'll be out of here tomorrow, that's what the nurse said. Not too worry. This was far from the case... I know sepsis. This is the body's overactive response to fight infection in the bloodstream. She is mean. She kills. I know that if the source of the infection isn't found quickly, it spreads. It took my team two days to listen to me . For two days I said my infection was in my port.... two days ya'll. For those two days of agony they thought I had a UTI, kidney infection, or respiratory infection. In those two days my symptoms progressed. I know that sepsis, when progression occurs, organ failure sets in. This lead me to being my own advocate. If I had the strength to de-access my port, you bet your bottom dollar I would have immediately, against hospital policy or not. Don't give false hope. I was critical. I left the hospital with an open wound on my chest a week later and a midline to provide myself antibiotics for 21 days , 4 times a day. This wasn't "you'll be out of here tomorrow" kind of sickness. Had I been as naive to believe my nurse, who knows how this story may have turned out
Working in the medical field one of the first things I learned in the ER was to never put a specific time stamp on something. " I'll be right back," "I'll be back in five," "Be there in a minute." I knew this was to not put myself in a pickle. Once I became the patient I realized just how valuable those phrases were. Being on the other side of the needle was tough. I wasn't used to asking for help. I don't want to rely on someone. I said " well I'm not in the ICU so there is someone sicker who needs the help." As true as that statement was, I was sick. I was struggling. Yet I did not call for help. I didn't make a ruckus. I only asked for things absolutely necessary, ie medications. The few times I did need anything. I was told " I'll be right back." Right back turned into 2 hours later. Now I get it. I know things happen, but ya'll its all in the phrasing. Honor your patients time. Waiting two hours for medication I was due to on a schedule means the next dose is messed up. This also gave me false hopes for pain control medication for two hours. Now this could have been a fluke, but after three days alike I learned to not ask for anything else while at that facility.
I have learned so much from being a patient with a chronic illness. I feel like that in some strange way it actually made me a better medical provider.I know personally the struggle of having an illness. I am now more aware of what I say to patients. I am aware that even when things aren't rainbows and sunshine, phrasing to a patient is key. As for my chronic illness providers, use your experiences to better curve your practice. Use your trials to avoid medical pitfalls as they come.
