"Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that."
-- Ally Condie
Making friends is tough. Thinking back to kindergarten it was so easy. If you liked pink and I liked pink we were destined to be best friends for life. If you didn't like Billy on the playground and I didn't like Billy, the stars aligned and we were fated gal pals. As we grew older we grew apart or even closer, it's just the name of the game. Now you and I are even more inseparable than ever. You are my best friend. When I got sick you got closer. You check in every step of the way, constantly reassure me, and overall just love me through it. On the other hand there are quite a few that when I got sick the distancing began. Do I blame them? Absolutely not. While I do believe these now-distant friends probably still care ,its hard to imagine anyone knows how to respond to such a drastic decline in health.
I want to attend, as long as my illness doesn’t throw me any surprises.
Please don't stop inviting me or your friends with chronic illness. We want to still feel like we're apart of the gang. We genuinely want to go ya'll. When our bodies don't throw a tantrum or throw surprises you can bet on it we will be there, just likes we said we would be. We don't like canceling our plans, trust me. Every time I have to cancel on someone it kills me. It makes just solidifies that I'm the "sick girl." Seriously though, please don't stop making the effort to include us . It means more than you know.
Tell them you appreciate them
I make it a fact to tell everyone how much I appreciate them. At first it was weird. " Hi I appreciate you." *insert cringe here.* Now it's just second nature. I not only practice this in my personal life, but also in my professional life as an EMS dispatcher. Hearing my crews whole disposition change when I tell them how much I appreciate their hard work makes it worth the awkwardness in the beginning. I will tell you how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you because I want you to know you don't go unnoticed. You stuck around. You make a constant effort. You check in. You include me. You reach out. You are all around good person. I want to know your challenges and struggles. I want to know your achievements and goals. I want you to know I'm in your corner and appreciate the hell out of you.
Priorities change. The parameters shift.
When I first got sick my priorities changed. Going out having a good time was no longer a front runner. Now my new normal was scheduling my social life around medication times, fluid changes, accessibility for my mobility aids and central lines. HOW FUN!? Some people got with the times. Others got with the motion of the ocean and waved goodbye. Oh well. Their loss. Parameters shifted. Once I began to navigate these new waters I was able to reincorporate more of back into my life. Who knew you could ride a roller coaster and go to fright fest with a central line and wheelchair? Some days I can binge watch a Harry Potter marathon and eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's. (Say it with me "baaaaaalannnnnnce.") Did you know you could go to museum after museum in downtown Chicago, ride the train, and go to the beach, all in one afternoon? It's called adaptability. Look it up. To the ones who stuck it out and learned with me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Utilize online support groups
I have found unfathomable support in groups I have found on platforms like Facebook and The Mighty. Utilize them ya'll! Ask questions. Reach out. Know you're not alone. I can tell you these groups have made me realize my little world of chronic illness isn't so little after all. Time and Time again I think I'm crazy. I know a symptom or a feeling is totally all in my head and made up, until I reach out. There is no way we're all crazy ya'll. Community is the key to feeling involved and cherished. Chronic illness makes you feel so isolated. Life as you once knew it is no more, but there is life expanded for you just beyond your horizons if you reach far enough. Know that just because ya'll haven't met in real life doesn't mean it isn't real friendship.
I am a firm believer that life wasn't made to be done alone. We are a species that is made to thrive off of relationships. We were not made to do it on our own. We just can't. I know for a fact my relationships, near and far, have helped carve me into who I am today. I cherish each and every relationship, be they for a single season of my life, or be that they've been for many a season. I can say my life is fuller because of the friendships that have blossomed in my life. So for those of you who've touched me, helped me blossom, helped me become the me I am today, thank you.
