Rachel Leu
- Feb 2, 2020
- 3 min read

Hey there Twenty Five

"Don't regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it." --Catherine Pulsifer

I'm turning a quarter of a century. I've lived in two centuries, two centuries, and two millennia. I'm no longer in my " early 20s."Holy Cow ya'll. Birthday are weird ya'll. Like you blow out candles atop of diabetes casserole. Even then so, you get sacks of someone else' hot breathe. Ew! Ageing is something we all have in common no matter which way you slice it.It's another 365 days of 525,600 minutes of your life. As I age more, I like to look back on my years and see the progression, no matter how large or small it may be. I'll be honest, this is not the life I envisioned living at twenty five.

"The infamous "should be" list

As you have noticed in many of my previous posts, I like to compare apple to oranges. While a birthday is a great monument of the life you've built, it can also be a painful reminder of what you have missed out on. As I turn 25 I look at those around me. Families. Home owners. Climbing the career ladder. What do I have to compare? I haven't bought a house with my spouse , as our jobs and my health have costed us relocation after relocation. My illness has put pregnancy, something I crave and have longed for for many years now, on the back burner. My dream job of paramedicine has been halted by failure to obtain medical clearance. Now I could be depressed. I could tell you how it's "so awful to live this dreaded existence... blah blah blah." I have chosen to look at life as the experiences I have gained instead. While we haven't purchased our forever home, we have traveled the country, living in three states in just five years, making cherished friendships along the way. While I am not practicing paramedicine, I am dispatching , which has opened my eyes on a whole other level. We haven't been able to get pregnant yet, but man I'm the coolest TT. Seriously those rambunctious heathen children are my lifeline. I have a beautiful god daughter, and five kick as nieces and nephews. I can't tell you how excited I was to gain not just one this year, but three nieces and an extra nephew! I mean come on. I can parent them and get my fill of kiddos, get them all dosed up on sugar, and SEND THEM HOME. Dude how cool is that ? I'm here to be their confidant and friend, but still get to cherish those moments when life advice is real. I wouldn't trade it for the world. For these monuments of twenty five years, I am thankful.

Its my party and I'll cry if I want to

Birthdays can be hard. To some, most chronic illness warriors included, it can be challenging to evade or deal with the feels. As I turn twenty fine I've felt a wide ray of emotion. Car insurance goes down! I can rent a car on my own! Even with all the excitements, I'm still sick. Last year was an eye opener. At twenty four I partied hard, but now can barely drink a sip of alcohol without a chronic illness flare. I traveled alone for the first time since becoming married. I changed careers. During my 24th year I managed to advocate for diagnosis and secure treatment. At 24 I fought for my life and battled sepsis. I battled blood clots, and dammit I came out victorious. Though I am still sick and have not achieved remission, I'm okay with this. During my twenty fifth year I will keep fighting for my health. I will get closer to remission. I will allow myself to celebrate small victories, huzzah for car rentals. I will allow myself to feel the mixed emotions that come with being chronically ill, but will not dwell on them.

Twenty five is going to be scary, but it's going to be exhilarating. Remember to flourish. Remember that this year was full up highs, and the lowest of lows, but you overcame. Celebrate everything. You've gotten another chance at life. Sepsis could have been the end of your story, but you fought hard. Don't dwell on the past but live for your future.