"Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen. "
-Henry Cloud
Dating is even harder with a chronic illness. I wish I could tell you it was all rainbows and sunshine but let's be honest, dating sucks. When I got sick, it started suddenly But as I became increasingly ill, weeks gave way to months. I was blessed to get sick ( so weird to write that phrase,) while being married. I was able to avoid the funky courting while ill thing.
'Disclose at your pace, but early
"Hi my name is Rachel. I am diagnosed with Dysautonomia, Ehler Danlos Syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Disorder....blaah blah blah. I enjoy long walks with my IV pole and romantic dinners that are allergy friendly." Holy moly Batman. Could you imagine. That would be traumatizing. I'm not saying right out the gate you need to let them in, but disclose your illnesses at your own pace. Feel them out. When you're comfortable let the bomb drop. Remember some illnesses are more visible than others, so waiting to disclose may not be as easy. With my illnesses, I have a central line. This is easier to hide in the winter, but come summer time my line is visible to the world. This being said, your illness is yours to disclose or choose not to. Don't feel as if you have to give an explanation ,you don't have to explain yourself loves.
Show them your world
They don't realize what it's like to be in pain constantly. They don't understand what it is like to itch for 32 plus days with no relief. They don't understand that you have to be home to take your specific medication at a specific time. Your partner won't understand these things, but show them into your world. This makes for an open line of communication and a better understanding of your pain and needs.
Don't play the victim card
It's easy to fall into a "woe as me" trap. If you play the victim card, people are going to tiptoe around you. I know everyone wishes the best and "thoughts and prayers" are given any time you post something on social media. I appreciate it y'all. Every time I get a message like that I make sure to follow up that while I do appreciate it, I'm not the victim, I just want to bring awareness. I try to apply that to every portion of my illness. Even if your illness isn't comfortable, be strong in your diagnosis. If you are angry about your diagnosis, they're going to be angry. I tend to give off a joking manner with my diagnosis. Sure it sucks, but if I can you can be relaxed about your illness, others will follow suit.
Know when they aren't worth it
Some people are worth all the time in the world. Others, I wouldn't offer my last spoon to even look in their direction. You are precious. You are worthy. You are worth all of the right person's time. If you have to work and they still don't make you feel appreciated, or they constantly knock you down, run. You should feel like royalty to them. I can tell you I feel like dog poop half of the time, but Jesse knows how to make me feel like a million bucks, even when I want to crawl under a rock. I pray that you feel that love, and know when you aren't
You don't need fixing, you just need someone to commiserate your illness.
Dating with a chronic illness can be a challenge but when you find the one, in the end this roller coaster was worth the wait in the hot sun in hot amusement park lines. Slather on that sunshine and keep all hands inside the ride at all times. Enjoy the ride !
